Do we have to go to court?

The short answer is no, you never have to set a foot in a courtroom if you and the other parent and/or spouse can reach an agreement (also known as a stipulation). An entire divorce action (status, property, custody, visitation, child support, spousal support and attorney's fees) can be served and filed by mail, negating the need for your feet ever to have to hit the courthouse steps.

Obviously this is a much faster and less expensive way to complete your family law matter...and may even beg the question, "If you get along so well, why aren't you still together?" Yet, I realize that many people make better friends than partners and the ability to co-exist and/or co-parent without acrimony is nothing but a plus for your children.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Three Things to do Before Your Hearing

First - Do make an attempt to informally resolve the matter with the other side. Agreements reached outside of Court (and subsequently drafted into a Court Order) are more frequently followed by the parties; keep the animosity, attorney's fees and stress levels down; and, the ability to co-parent and/or cooperate high. One agreement can lay the groundwork for resolving the balance of your matter.

Second - Be prepared in a variety of ways. Make sure your documents have been filed and served upon the other side. Make a note of what you have asked the Court to decide and check it off as they make orders about each issue. I have seen folks file a motion requesting several things (i.e.: custody, visitation AND child support), wait months to have their case heard and then in the nervousness of the moment they completely forget one of their issues. Bring a pad of paper and a pen with you to your hearing so you can write down what the Court orders. Bring a copy of all of your court documents with you, and organize them so if you are asked to provide a document you are able to do it efficiently.  Bring a few extra copies of any documents you are asking the Court to consider in the event the filed copy did not make it to the court file. Be open and able to discuss different alternatives. Frequently the Court does not make 'all or nothing' decisions. That said, it is always a good idea to have a few options available to achieve a desired result. If you want the children for more time that you currently have, be able to share with the Court what you want and why it makes sense for everyone concerned. If the other parent owes you money, having a few different re-payment plans to offer the Court will show you are cooperative, reasonable and allow the Court some room to move [hopefully in your direction]. 

Third - Relax! Of course you will probably be nervous but try and get plenty of rest the night before.  Be on time, be courteous and respectful of the Court and court staff.  Your matter will conclude before you know it.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Ten Surefire Tips to ANNOY the Court & JEOPARDIZE Your Custody and Visitation Case

One: Dress and Behave to Impress
Make sure your clothing is short and/or sheer.  If you're sexy, let it be known!  You never know how far it might get you in the Court's eyes.  Also, dressing like a slob can be helpful at times.  If your clothes are dirty, torn and wrinkled, it will help the Court to see that clearly you do not have as much money as your ex and maybe they should be paying you more support, or lowering any support you might have been ordered to pay. 

Make sure all of your body art is visible and you display all of your piercings.  Oh and make sure you don't forget your hat and sunglasses.  After all, your only there to ask a court to make a determination of what is best for your children, you're not in church.

And while we are on the issue of personal appearance, don't forget that body language is everything and is usually very helpful to the Court.  If you cross your arms, the Court will be aware you are not pleased; roll your eyes and the Court will understand how utterly stupid your ex is being; laugh and shake your head while someone is talking and the Judge will see how ridiculous the comment being made is; and if you huff and throw your head back you will display to the Court that clearly the other side is lying and should not be trusted.  A well placed arm thrown casually over the back of your chair and a leg crossed over your knee will also show the Judge that you are clearly right in this matter and have nothing to worry about!

Two: Assist Your Lawyer
If you have a lawyer at your side, don't forget to ignore any advice they might have given you.  If they ask you a question quietly, make sure you say the first thing that pops into your head to the Judge directly.  Tell your lawyer what they should say and remind them, especially when the Judge is speaking, what they should be focusing on.

Three: Speak Clearly
If the other parent or their attorney is making an incorrect statement, don't forget to tell the Judge that they are liars.  If your ex is a F*(&%g Jerk, make sure the judge is aware of it.  No need to beat around the bush, if your ex is a F*(&%g Jerk...say it!  It is not as if the Court has never heard those words before, besides how would you pronounce F*(&%g?  "Eff-en?"...Heck the Court might not know what you mean.  Don't be shy, referring to your ex and/or their attorney with four-letter-words is a quick and expedient way to make everyone in the courtroom aware of the problems you face having to deal with these people.

Don't refer to the children as OUR children, they are not yours and the Judge's, so when speaking to the Court, always say MY son, MY daughter, MY kids.  Besides, if you were to refer to them as OURS, it might look like you are willing to share and after all you want the Court to give you 100% custody, so concede to nothing!  Although willingness to co-parent is a factor many Court's use to determine custody issues, it is not the only one, so why worry about it.

Finally, because you are no longer with your ex and haven't had a real good opportunity to talk to them lately, make sure you address all of your comments, curse words, and banter to your ex and not the Court.  This way the Court will have a clear opportunity to see just how you two relate and once it becomes as clear to the Court as it is to you what an ass the other parent is, you will easily win your case.

Four: You are Perfect
Accept blame and responsibility for nothing.  After all, the only reason you are in court in the first place is because no one gets the fact that they are YOUR kids and your ex should have no rights!  And, despite the fact that you liked your children's other parent at some point (or at least for a few minutes), you don't like them now, they are not suitable and in hindsight, you realize they never were, and you are CLEARLY the only person capable of properly parenting the children.

Five: Preparation is Overrated
Why waste paper, time and money drafting and filing documents for the Court to properly review ahead of time when you can simply tell the Court what you want to say at the hearing.  Further, why would you want the other side to have any clue what you might bring up and give them a chance to think up a lie to cover their tracks!  Just bring an old bag filled with photos, notes, and any other miscellaneous document that proves what jerk your ex is.  Oh and don't forget your phone so you can try and display  those cryptic texts back and forth between you and your ex.  If the Court starts getting huffy about your failure to be prepared, simply ask for a continuance at each hearing, especially when it becomes clear the Court is not going to rule in your favor.

Six: Interrupt
Why should the Court or your ex have to finish that sentence when you already know what they're going to say.  That's right, its much faster and efficient to interrupt and make your point, that clearly they have missed.  Don't let your ex get a word in edge-wise to the Court, because they're only lying anyway.  Along those same lines, make sure you are thinking about what you're going to say next, instead of listening to what the Judge, your attorney or the other side is saying.

Seven:  Be an Open Book
If the paperwork for your hearing only addresses custody and visitation, make sure you bring up support; and when you are in Court to talk about property, don't forget to bring up the children or any other issue that has bothered you over the last ten years of your marriage.  The Court should then have a clear picture of you as a long suffering spouse and make orders accordingly.

Eight: Honesty is Overrated
If the truth will make you look bad, avoid it at all costs.  If the Court asks you a direct question, tell them what you want them to hear instead, thereby potentially avoiding any unpleasantness.

The only time honesty is helpful is when describing  your ex.  If she is a slut, say it; if he is an ass, bring it up.  Don't mince words; don't sugar coat it; say what you mean!

Nine:  Bring Company with Attitude
Make sure you bring all of your family and friends to court with you and direct them all to follow Tip One, it will be like telegraphing your case to the Court in stereo and what could be better than that!  BETTER YET...if you all arrive late and after the Judge has taken the bench, make sure to make noise as you and your group are entering, the Court will be aware of you and your entourage's presence and will be able to pick your supporters out while your case is being heard.  And, whatever you do, don't forget to bring your most recent partner! The Court should be fully aware of the person  you plan on replacing the children's other parent with and the more they can assist you in telegraphing your side to the Judge with body language, dress and attitude the better, so the Court will see you are a united front.  This goes the same with making any necessary disparaging comments directly to your ex when they go by and shooting them dirty looks from time to time.

Ten: Make Sure the Judge Knows How You Feel
If the case is not going how you planned, let the Court know!...slam your papers around, scribble furiously on your yellow pad, ignore the Judge, look to your entourage and raise your eyebrows.  If that doesn't work, simply interrupt the Court in the middle of their ruling and repeat everything you have already said (because clearly they didn't "get it") and bring up anything else you feel they need to hear.  As a final resort, slam out of your chair, slam doors, gates and anything else in your way and have your family pick a fight with your ex and/or his family out in the hall.  This way, the bailiff will be able to come out into the hall and get the TRUTH and be able to report your displeasure back to the Judge in chambers...after all you never know when you might be back in Court in front of this same Judge.  

Obviously this is written with a whole lotta tongue-in-cheek, but realize I only make the above-mentioned observations because the actions/words/behavior are not rare enough!  I am certainly not saying that you are not the parent better able to care for your children, and maybe your ex is all of those things mentioned above.  Yet, there is a way, time and place to inform the Court of your concerns without making yourself look bad in the process...and it all boils down to respect...respect the process, the Court, the other party and most of all yourself.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Q & A on Court Order Compliance

"The other party is not following the current court order, what can be done to make he/she comply?"

This is a very difficult question to answer, in that it would depend exactly what the violation of the order is.  Issues involving support can usually be remedied by the filing and service of a wage garnishment.  However, issues involving custody can be more difficult.  Is a parent not releasing the children to you for your visits?  Well, certainly you can call the police to assist with the transfer.  However, often that is not good for the children.  Contempt of a Court Order can be filed.  However, this is usually a relatively long and expensive process that does not produce the desired result.  Again, it truly depends upon the situation.  Many times, a violation of an order merits a trip back to court to modify the order in a way to force the other party to comply.  For example, if the children are not being turned over to you, picking them up directly from school at times resolves this or the exchanges can occur at a supervising agency, which can cost the violating parent money each time an exchange occurs.

There are times that a parent violates the legal custody section of the order, making changes without consulting the other parent.  Which again can be remedied, but will depend upon the type of violation, the frequency and the ability to make changes to the order to compel the other party's compliance.  A consultation with an attorney will usually provide you with various options to try and curb the bad behavior.  One word of warning, before you plan on undertaking a remedy make sure you're in compliance with the same Court Order.  You case will not go far, if you behavior is not better than the other parent.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

When Can a Child Decide Where They Want to Live?

There are no hard and fast rules about the age in which a child can decide which parent they want to live with. However, there are a few general rules of thumb: First, the older a child is, the more weight their wishes will be given. Second, a child must be able to intelligently state the reasons why they want to live with one parent or another. This requires a level of maturity that some fourteen-year-olds don't possess and some nine-year-olds do. Lastly, should the Court feel a child has been coached by one parent or another, there are often severe repercussions. The Court does not want a child placed in the middle of a custody battle between the parents and neither should you.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

How Should a Party Conduct Themselves in Court?

Whether or not you have an attorney, the following are general rules you should consider if you plan on appearing in Court:

1. Be to be on time and check in with the bailiff.  Failure to arrive promptly could result in a decision being made without your input or your matter being completely removed from the Court's calendar.
2. Dress like the case matters to you.  You do not need to be in a suit, but you should be clean and neat.  No jeans, shorts or hoodies.  This should go without saying, but the attire I see in a Courtroom never fails to surprise me.
3. When appearing before the Judge, stay calm and keep a relaxed face.  The Judge is watching your expressions and monitoring your behavior.  Don't cross your arms.  Sit up and be attentive.  If you find yourself becoming upset, simply ask the Court if you may have a moment to compose yourself.
4. DO NOT argue, talk at or to the other party.  When the Court asks you a question, you are to respond to your attorney, or the Court directly, if you have no attorney.  If you have an attorney, that person will address the Court with  your comments, or direct you to answer the Court yourself.
5. If custody is at issue, remember this child is not an immaculate conception, it is "our" child, not MY child.
6. You don't have to like the other side, but be respectful.  It is not helpful to make snide comments about your child's other parent, or accuse them of "lying."  If they make a statement you believe if inaccurate, you may address the Court when it is your turn to talk.
7. NEVER INTERUPT the Court or the other parent.
8. Keep your cheerleaders at home.  You do not need to bring a crew of people with you.  Often support people insert themselves into your case, or agitate the other side, both of which are not helpful.
9. Bring a pen and paper, copies of the documents you have filed, and a filed proof of service for each document you have provided the other side.  It is also a good idea to bring an extra copies of any document you have filed, in case your paperwork did not make it into the Court's file in time for the hearing or was misplaced.  Keep your documents organized so that you can access them if the Court asks you a question, or asks to see a document.  And, if there are any documents you plan on presenting to the Court, bring copies for the other parent, yourself and provide an original to the Court.  Be warned, however, the Court will rarely accept documents on that day, preferring instead each document be properly filed with the Court and served upon the other party.
10. Be prepared to reach an agreement.  You should come armed with what you want, and what you will agree to.  There are many times the Court will direct you to discuss your matter out in the hall with the other side to see if you can reach some middle ground.  With that in mind, it is a good idea to have some alternate ideas about what result you are seeking.
11. Know that the paperwork that was filed and responded to contains the "issues" that will be discussed in Court.  If the paperwork has boxes for custody and visitation checked, you will not be discussing who gets the house.  If you are in Court for support, it is highly unlikely the Court will address matters concerning custody of your children.  With that in mind, bring notes about what you want to discuss with the Court, to keep you focused.  Often when folks get nervous, they tend to bring up anything and everything, resulting the Court shutting them down.  Unfortunately, when this occurs, they often have not even brought up the issues they came to court to deal with.
12. Regardless of the result, thank the Court and exit the Courtroom with dignity.  It is highly possible you will appear again in the front of the same Judge and misbehavior is remembered. 

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.