Do we have to go to court?

The short answer is no, you never have to set a foot in a courtroom if you and the other parent and/or spouse can reach an agreement (also known as a stipulation). An entire divorce action (status, property, custody, visitation, child support, spousal support and attorney's fees) can be served and filed by mail, negating the need for your feet ever to have to hit the courthouse steps.

Obviously this is a much faster and less expensive way to complete your family law matter...and may even beg the question, "If you get along so well, why aren't you still together?" Yet, I realize that many people make better friends than partners and the ability to co-exist and/or co-parent without acrimony is nothing but a plus for your children.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Ten Surefire Tips to ANNOY the Court & JEOPARDIZE Your Custody and Visitation Case

One: Dress and Behave to Impress
Make sure your clothing is short and/or sheer.  If you're sexy, let it be known!  You never know how far it might get you in the Court's eyes.  Also, dressing like a slob can be helpful at times.  If your clothes are dirty, torn and wrinkled, it will help the Court to see that clearly you do not have as much money as your ex and maybe they should be paying you more support, or lowering any support you might have been ordered to pay. 

Make sure all of your body art is visible and you display all of your piercings.  Oh and make sure you don't forget your hat and sunglasses.  After all, your only there to ask a court to make a determination of what is best for your children, you're not in church.

And while we are on the issue of personal appearance, don't forget that body language is everything and is usually very helpful to the Court.  If you cross your arms, the Court will be aware you are not pleased; roll your eyes and the Court will understand how utterly stupid your ex is being; laugh and shake your head while someone is talking and the Judge will see how ridiculous the comment being made is; and if you huff and throw your head back you will display to the Court that clearly the other side is lying and should not be trusted.  A well placed arm thrown casually over the back of your chair and a leg crossed over your knee will also show the Judge that you are clearly right in this matter and have nothing to worry about!

Two: Assist Your Lawyer
If you have a lawyer at your side, don't forget to ignore any advice they might have given you.  If they ask you a question quietly, make sure you say the first thing that pops into your head to the Judge directly.  Tell your lawyer what they should say and remind them, especially when the Judge is speaking, what they should be focusing on.

Three: Speak Clearly
If the other parent or their attorney is making an incorrect statement, don't forget to tell the Judge that they are liars.  If your ex is a F*(&%g Jerk, make sure the judge is aware of it.  No need to beat around the bush, if your ex is a F*(&%g Jerk...say it!  It is not as if the Court has never heard those words before, besides how would you pronounce F*(&%g?  "Eff-en?"...Heck the Court might not know what you mean.  Don't be shy, referring to your ex and/or their attorney with four-letter-words is a quick and expedient way to make everyone in the courtroom aware of the problems you face having to deal with these people.

Don't refer to the children as OUR children, they are not yours and the Judge's, so when speaking to the Court, always say MY son, MY daughter, MY kids.  Besides, if you were to refer to them as OURS, it might look like you are willing to share and after all you want the Court to give you 100% custody, so concede to nothing!  Although willingness to co-parent is a factor many Court's use to determine custody issues, it is not the only one, so why worry about it.

Finally, because you are no longer with your ex and haven't had a real good opportunity to talk to them lately, make sure you address all of your comments, curse words, and banter to your ex and not the Court.  This way the Court will have a clear opportunity to see just how you two relate and once it becomes as clear to the Court as it is to you what an ass the other parent is, you will easily win your case.

Four: You are Perfect
Accept blame and responsibility for nothing.  After all, the only reason you are in court in the first place is because no one gets the fact that they are YOUR kids and your ex should have no rights!  And, despite the fact that you liked your children's other parent at some point (or at least for a few minutes), you don't like them now, they are not suitable and in hindsight, you realize they never were, and you are CLEARLY the only person capable of properly parenting the children.

Five: Preparation is Overrated
Why waste paper, time and money drafting and filing documents for the Court to properly review ahead of time when you can simply tell the Court what you want to say at the hearing.  Further, why would you want the other side to have any clue what you might bring up and give them a chance to think up a lie to cover their tracks!  Just bring an old bag filled with photos, notes, and any other miscellaneous document that proves what jerk your ex is.  Oh and don't forget your phone so you can try and display  those cryptic texts back and forth between you and your ex.  If the Court starts getting huffy about your failure to be prepared, simply ask for a continuance at each hearing, especially when it becomes clear the Court is not going to rule in your favor.

Six: Interrupt
Why should the Court or your ex have to finish that sentence when you already know what they're going to say.  That's right, its much faster and efficient to interrupt and make your point, that clearly they have missed.  Don't let your ex get a word in edge-wise to the Court, because they're only lying anyway.  Along those same lines, make sure you are thinking about what you're going to say next, instead of listening to what the Judge, your attorney or the other side is saying.

Seven:  Be an Open Book
If the paperwork for your hearing only addresses custody and visitation, make sure you bring up support; and when you are in Court to talk about property, don't forget to bring up the children or any other issue that has bothered you over the last ten years of your marriage.  The Court should then have a clear picture of you as a long suffering spouse and make orders accordingly.

Eight: Honesty is Overrated
If the truth will make you look bad, avoid it at all costs.  If the Court asks you a direct question, tell them what you want them to hear instead, thereby potentially avoiding any unpleasantness.

The only time honesty is helpful is when describing  your ex.  If she is a slut, say it; if he is an ass, bring it up.  Don't mince words; don't sugar coat it; say what you mean!

Nine:  Bring Company with Attitude
Make sure you bring all of your family and friends to court with you and direct them all to follow Tip One, it will be like telegraphing your case to the Court in stereo and what could be better than that!  BETTER YET...if you all arrive late and after the Judge has taken the bench, make sure to make noise as you and your group are entering, the Court will be aware of you and your entourage's presence and will be able to pick your supporters out while your case is being heard.  And, whatever you do, don't forget to bring your most recent partner! The Court should be fully aware of the person  you plan on replacing the children's other parent with and the more they can assist you in telegraphing your side to the Judge with body language, dress and attitude the better, so the Court will see you are a united front.  This goes the same with making any necessary disparaging comments directly to your ex when they go by and shooting them dirty looks from time to time.

Ten: Make Sure the Judge Knows How You Feel
If the case is not going how you planned, let the Court know!...slam your papers around, scribble furiously on your yellow pad, ignore the Judge, look to your entourage and raise your eyebrows.  If that doesn't work, simply interrupt the Court in the middle of their ruling and repeat everything you have already said (because clearly they didn't "get it") and bring up anything else you feel they need to hear.  As a final resort, slam out of your chair, slam doors, gates and anything else in your way and have your family pick a fight with your ex and/or his family out in the hall.  This way, the bailiff will be able to come out into the hall and get the TRUTH and be able to report your displeasure back to the Judge in chambers...after all you never know when you might be back in Court in front of this same Judge.  

Obviously this is written with a whole lotta tongue-in-cheek, but realize I only make the above-mentioned observations because the actions/words/behavior are not rare enough!  I am certainly not saying that you are not the parent better able to care for your children, and maybe your ex is all of those things mentioned above.  Yet, there is a way, time and place to inform the Court of your concerns without making yourself look bad in the process...and it all boils down to respect...respect the process, the Court, the other party and most of all yourself.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Q & A on Court Order Compliance

"The other party is not following the current court order, what can be done to make he/she comply?"

This is a very difficult question to answer, in that it would depend exactly what the violation of the order is.  Issues involving support can usually be remedied by the filing and service of a wage garnishment.  However, issues involving custody can be more difficult.  Is a parent not releasing the children to you for your visits?  Well, certainly you can call the police to assist with the transfer.  However, often that is not good for the children.  Contempt of a Court Order can be filed.  However, this is usually a relatively long and expensive process that does not produce the desired result.  Again, it truly depends upon the situation.  Many times, a violation of an order merits a trip back to court to modify the order in a way to force the other party to comply.  For example, if the children are not being turned over to you, picking them up directly from school at times resolves this or the exchanges can occur at a supervising agency, which can cost the violating parent money each time an exchange occurs.

There are times that a parent violates the legal custody section of the order, making changes without consulting the other parent.  Which again can be remedied, but will depend upon the type of violation, the frequency and the ability to make changes to the order to compel the other party's compliance.  A consultation with an attorney will usually provide you with various options to try and curb the bad behavior.  One word of warning, before you plan on undertaking a remedy make sure you're in compliance with the same Court Order.  You case will not go far, if you behavior is not better than the other parent.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

Relocating with the Children

As an adult you may move wherever you like.  Can you take the children with you?  The answer to that depends upon several factors.  If a divorce or Petition to Establish Parental Relationship has been filed, the Summons contains automatic restraining orders which prevent you from removing the children from the state pending further court order (which is usually a temporary custody order or a Judgment).  If those documents state that you may not change the children's residence from a specific county, then you are not free to relocate with the children absent the Court's approval.

In order to obtain the Court's approval, you will need to file a motion with the Court asking to relocate.  The Court will take into account many factors before making that decision (your relationship with the children's other parent; the children's relationship with the other parent; the amount of contact between the children and both parents, just to name a few).  Frequently, the Court will seek an outside expert to assist them by gathering information from the parents and children and making an assessment of what is best for the children.  This process is called a child custody evaluation or in Fresno County, a Psychological Evaluation; which is usually followed by an Assessment with Family Court Services.  This is not an easy, cheap or quick process.  

Obviously, the most expedient way to achieve your goal of relocation is to simply ask the other parent if they will agree and then work out the details of how you will share custody of the children now that you are potentially hundreds of miles apart.  I do suggest you try and put aside your own feelings and think about your children, who are now going to be deprived of frequent contact with their other parent (or even you, when they are visiting the other parent) and are going to be forced to travel long distances.  Also don't assume the high earner will pay for all of the travel, or just because a person moves, they will be expected to foot the children's travel bill.  Frequently, those expenses are equally shared and exchanging children, cross-continent, several times a year (especially if an adult must accompany them) is very very expensive.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

Custody and Social Media

When parents in the midst of a divorce participate in Internet social communities such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter, they need to be mindful of their audience.  I believe we can all be guilty of exaggerating the truth or embellishing a funny story and depending on who's reading your material the impact can differ greatly. 

What is a funny story about a night out with the girls, might not be so comical to the father of your children.  Would a judge find your story as amusing? How about a mediator in charge of making a recommendation about who will have custody of your children? I do read about parents doing things with their children here and there.  I have also seen (especially when they're newly single) folks attempting to paint themselves as cool, wild party animals.  And, I've had more than one half nude photograph printed from these types of sources brought into my office in an attempt to prove what loose morals the other side has. Don't presume your "friends" don't have "friends" who's "friends" are your children's other parent.  If you post it, it is usually pretty easy to access. 

Your emails, your texts, and even your voice mails can all be reproduced and presented in Court.  All that said, DO NO POST, SAY OR WRITE ANYTHING you wouldn't want a Court, mediator or custody evaluator to see.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

When Can a Child Decide Where They Want to Live?

There are no hard and fast rules about the age in which a child can decide which parent they want to live with. However, there are a few general rules of thumb: First, the older a child is, the more weight their wishes will be given. Second, a child must be able to intelligently state the reasons why they want to live with one parent or another. This requires a level of maturity that some fourteen-year-olds don't possess and some nine-year-olds do. Lastly, should the Court feel a child has been coached by one parent or another, there are often severe repercussions. The Court does not want a child placed in the middle of a custody battle between the parents and neither should you.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

Behave Yourself!

Nothing frustrates me more than seeing two parents who cannot simply exchange the children from one car or house to another without controversy.  I am not willing to assign blame; yet, I am more than mindful in these situations there is usually one parent who feels the need to bait and harass the other one.  The trick is to NOT bite!  First, children aren't stupid, if you behave yourself and the other parent doesn't, the children see it.  They may not figure it out now, but they will intuitively know at some point in the future which parent conducted themselves properly.  Second, you're children don't need this garbage.  Let them love you both without having to apologize for it.  When you drive up to the other parent's car, or home, be positive about the fact that they are getting to see the other parent.  Make sure they give the other parent a kiss and hug goodbye when you are taking them away.  Hold your tongue, regardless of what comes out of the other parent's mouth, it will serve your children well.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

What is Orientation?

In Fresno County, prior to mediation, the parties must attend Orientation. Family Court Services conducts this lecture, which is basically a vehicle to explain the mediation process to parents.  It is mandatory; do not miss your scheduled appointment if you are given one.  Both parents must attend, however you will not necessarily be present at the same appointment.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

What is a Graduated Visitation Plan?

A graduated visitation plan is one in which a visiting parent's time with the children increases incrementally over time.  This most often occurs in two situations: one, when a parent hasn't either seen the children in a long time, or hasn't had a relationship with them; and two, when a child is an infant.  These plans most often will not be very satisfactory to the visiting parent, but are actually put in place for the children's well-being.  I would strongly suggest you make each and every one of the visits, because missed visitations could delay the possibility to increase your time in the future.

On a positive note, there are certainly circumstances, especially with infants, where such a plan can assist a parent in working toward a much better custodial schedule in future.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.