Do we have to go to court?

The short answer is no, you never have to set a foot in a courtroom if you and the other parent and/or spouse can reach an agreement (also known as a stipulation). An entire divorce action (status, property, custody, visitation, child support, spousal support and attorney's fees) can be served and filed by mail, negating the need for your feet ever to have to hit the courthouse steps.

Obviously this is a much faster and less expensive way to complete your family law matter...and may even beg the question, "If you get along so well, why aren't you still together?" Yet, I realize that many people make better friends than partners and the ability to co-exist and/or co-parent without acrimony is nothing but a plus for your children.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

How Long do I Have to Save My Child Support Receipts?

A lot of people wonder how long they need to save the proof they paid their child support.  Because California law states child support is due until paid in full, horrible as it sounds, I would suggest you keep your records indefinitely.  Yet, that suggestion can vary depending on how your support is paid.  For example, if all of your payments are made through the California State Disbursement Unit, and they send you monthly statements, when the children are nearing the age of emancipation and you do not owe back support, you should have statements that show you owe just for the current month and there are no arrearages (ie: payments past due).  However, if you are paying directly to the other parent, I would keep proof of each payment made (cancelled checks, cashiers check receipts, bank statements) and a log of payments due, how much paid, date paid and how paid.  Imagine twenty years in the future the other parent going to Court and stating you never made a payment and now they want you to pay it all again, plus interest.  Banks do not keep records for that long and it is unlikely you will have 20 year old bank statements and/or cancelled checks sitting in your garage.  Even employers who withheld support from your paychecks may no longer be in business or have the records you need.  Without being able to "prove" you made the payments, it is entirely possible the Court could rule in the other parent's favor and order you to make payments you might have already paid.  I would like to say these are extreme examples, but this happens entirely too often.

Similarly, NEVER make your support payments to the other parent in cash.  If the other parent asserts at some point you didn't make a payment, you will have no way to prove you did.  I am not entirely fond of Money Orders either (as they do not have a payee imprinted directly on the document) and contrary to popular opinion, it is not that easy to get proof they were cashed and by whom.  I have folks tell me "she only wants cash," "he will not accept a cashier's check," and "she doesn't have a bank account."   That is not your problem.  Your responsibility, if so ordered, is to make your support payments in full each month they are due.  It is no matter how you do it, just that you do it.  And, the best way to protect yourself is to maintain records of you meeting this obligation.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

Image: Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Three Things to do Before Your Hearing

First - Do make an attempt to informally resolve the matter with the other side. Agreements reached outside of Court (and subsequently drafted into a Court Order) are more frequently followed by the parties; keep the animosity, attorney's fees and stress levels down; and, the ability to co-parent and/or cooperate high. One agreement can lay the groundwork for resolving the balance of your matter.

Second - Be prepared in a variety of ways. Make sure your documents have been filed and served upon the other side. Make a note of what you have asked the Court to decide and check it off as they make orders about each issue. I have seen folks file a motion requesting several things (i.e.: custody, visitation AND child support), wait months to have their case heard and then in the nervousness of the moment they completely forget one of their issues. Bring a pad of paper and a pen with you to your hearing so you can write down what the Court orders. Bring a copy of all of your court documents with you, and organize them so if you are asked to provide a document you are able to do it efficiently.  Bring a few extra copies of any documents you are asking the Court to consider in the event the filed copy did not make it to the court file. Be open and able to discuss different alternatives. Frequently the Court does not make 'all or nothing' decisions. That said, it is always a good idea to have a few options available to achieve a desired result. If you want the children for more time that you currently have, be able to share with the Court what you want and why it makes sense for everyone concerned. If the other parent owes you money, having a few different re-payment plans to offer the Court will show you are cooperative, reasonable and allow the Court some room to move [hopefully in your direction]. 

Third - Relax! Of course you will probably be nervous but try and get plenty of rest the night before.  Be on time, be courteous and respectful of the Court and court staff.  Your matter will conclude before you know it.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group in Fresno at (559) 226-1910.

How Should a Party Conduct Themselves in Court?

Whether or not you have an attorney, the following are general rules you should consider if you plan on appearing in Court:

1. Be to be on time and check in with the bailiff.  Failure to arrive promptly could result in a decision being made without your input or your matter being completely removed from the Court's calendar.
2. Dress like the case matters to you.  You do not need to be in a suit, but you should be clean and neat.  No jeans, shorts or hoodies.  This should go without saying, but the attire I see in a Courtroom never fails to surprise me.
3. When appearing before the Judge, stay calm and keep a relaxed face.  The Judge is watching your expressions and monitoring your behavior.  Don't cross your arms.  Sit up and be attentive.  If you find yourself becoming upset, simply ask the Court if you may have a moment to compose yourself.
4. DO NOT argue, talk at or to the other party.  When the Court asks you a question, you are to respond to your attorney, or the Court directly, if you have no attorney.  If you have an attorney, that person will address the Court with  your comments, or direct you to answer the Court yourself.
5. If custody is at issue, remember this child is not an immaculate conception, it is "our" child, not MY child.
6. You don't have to like the other side, but be respectful.  It is not helpful to make snide comments about your child's other parent, or accuse them of "lying."  If they make a statement you believe if inaccurate, you may address the Court when it is your turn to talk.
7. NEVER INTERUPT the Court or the other parent.
8. Keep your cheerleaders at home.  You do not need to bring a crew of people with you.  Often support people insert themselves into your case, or agitate the other side, both of which are not helpful.
9. Bring a pen and paper, copies of the documents you have filed, and a filed proof of service for each document you have provided the other side.  It is also a good idea to bring an extra copies of any document you have filed, in case your paperwork did not make it into the Court's file in time for the hearing or was misplaced.  Keep your documents organized so that you can access them if the Court asks you a question, or asks to see a document.  And, if there are any documents you plan on presenting to the Court, bring copies for the other parent, yourself and provide an original to the Court.  Be warned, however, the Court will rarely accept documents on that day, preferring instead each document be properly filed with the Court and served upon the other party.
10. Be prepared to reach an agreement.  You should come armed with what you want, and what you will agree to.  There are many times the Court will direct you to discuss your matter out in the hall with the other side to see if you can reach some middle ground.  With that in mind, it is a good idea to have some alternate ideas about what result you are seeking.
11. Know that the paperwork that was filed and responded to contains the "issues" that will be discussed in Court.  If the paperwork has boxes for custody and visitation checked, you will not be discussing who gets the house.  If you are in Court for support, it is highly unlikely the Court will address matters concerning custody of your children.  With that in mind, bring notes about what you want to discuss with the Court, to keep you focused.  Often when folks get nervous, they tend to bring up anything and everything, resulting the Court shutting them down.  Unfortunately, when this occurs, they often have not even brought up the issues they came to court to deal with.
12. Regardless of the result, thank the Court and exit the Courtroom with dignity.  It is highly possible you will appear again in the front of the same Judge and misbehavior is remembered. 

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.

Focus on the Children and Not the Fight

I had an opportunity to review the article "Keeping parental ties strong after the divorce" Chicago Tribune (February 22, 2011), and while I agree with much that is said, there is so much more to add. 

The article states to "focus on the children, not the fight;" nothing could be closer to the truth.  I often see good people go bad when they get wrapped up in what each other is doing or not doing right. I often stress to clients to be true to yourself, your children, and your own parenting style.  Don't say no to another parent's request (say for a special day with the children) because that parent denied you the same.  When the children come home with school picture order forms, or report cards, make a copy for the other parent, regardless of whether or not they do this for you.  You have to be the adult, you must take the high road and quite frankly, frequently this is very very difficult.  Yet, in the long run, it will benefit your children.

Remain a part of your children's lives. 
I would add, if you relegated child centered responsibilities to the other parent during your relationship because they were home with the children, or available during the day, you need to change your thinking.  You are now a single parent.  When the children are ill, YOU will stay home with them.  When they need medical care, or even childhood immunizations/check-ups, YOU will take them to the doctor.  YOU will attend parent teacher conferences, etc...  If you want to be an integral part of your children's lives, you need to act like it.  It is difficult and costly to take time off work, especially when the other parent is available.  But, as a newly single parent, you are now responsible for the children and their needs during your custodial time.   If you relegate those responsibilities to the other parent, you will find yourself parenting your children part-time; rarely a desired result. 

Don't bad-mouth the other parent.
I love this.  If the other parent is acting poorly, you don't need to tell your children.  Kids aren't stupid and a parent's misbehavior will not go unnoticed by your children. Again, it is important to take the high-road.  It is always tempting to want to defend yourself when the children bring a comment the other parent made about you to your attention.  Again, don't bite.  You will just be dropping yourself to their level.  If the other parent's behavior is so egregious that you are unsure how to respond to the children's comments and questions, do your children and yourself a favor and speak to a counselor who specializes in children and find out what you can do to ease their discomfort and learn ways to deal with the other parent's negativity in a healthy manner.  I remember a case where the mother was constantly causing problems for the father, simply out of spite.  The father later told me the child asked him, "Why is mommy so mean?"  Kids miss little.

For more information regarding California Family Law contact Stone Law Group at (559) 226-1910.